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Sample Excerpt: Magazine Feature Article for At-Risk Youth Mentoring Agency
Kathy (not her real name) has been a One-On-One "Senior Partner” for well over a year now. And, as a result of her experience, she has come to some conclusions.
"I realize that even though I thought that I had seen the world, I hadn’t,” she says.
"There was another world out there that nobody sees that now I’m seeing—the number of children that are unloved, uncared for and underfed.”
One-On-One Partners is an adult-youth relationship program akin to Big Brothers and Big Sisters, but more inherently Christian in its mission. It addresses the needs of "at-risk” children and adolescents, ages 6 to18, who are more susceptible to such influences as alcohol and drug abuse, teen pregnancy, dropping out of school and delinquent behavior.
Kathy’s 12-year old "Junior Partner” certainly qualifies as an at-risk youth. The girl’s single-mother is a professional stripper and drug-user who has frequently neglected her three young daughters, all born of different fathers, and has certainly made their home environment an often dangerous and undesirable place to be.
"Sometimes a child has to fight very hard to rise above his or her family,” says Kathy. "Sometimes we’re just plunked into a family that is just not the best, the most loving, the most logical. These girls have had to work very hard to rise above what their mother puts them through.”
So, although she signed up to work with only one child initially, Kathy has ended up inheriting a mentoring role for the whole family, including the lost and neglectful mother. "I’ve had so many discussions with [the mother],” sighs Kathy, "that I often wonder if she isn’t the one I ought to be mentoring.”
But, while her experience may be described as one of the more extreme assignments at One-On-One, she’s quick to say that it hasn’t been that terrible. "I’ve found it to be challenging and worthwhile. And, I’d do it again.”
Led to the program after hearing a presentation on it and after seeing the aftermath of the Columbine school shootings, Kathy realized that she’d been blind to the crises that so many children are left to endure alone.
"The influences that are around kids today are so incredible, and there’s no one watching,” she says. "I decided that, if I couldn’t save the world, that maybe somewhere there was one kid that I could at least influence a little bit.”
She does spend as much time as possible with her original appointee, often exceeding the minimum three-hour weekly commitment. "Mostly, we just have a good time,” she says, "and we add in the learning experiences as we go. We have what we call ‘mentor moments.’ I’ve been known to pull my car over and say, ‘Ok, this is a mentor moment. What you just said needs a little discussion.’”
Her 12-year old Partner is coming to a crossroads in her life when, as Kathy says, she needs to make some decisions—to refuse the drugs that are offered to her, to choose a different path than her mother. "I can only hope that I can influence her to stay away from that,” says Kathy. "Even though it’s being presented by people who are prominent in her life, she has to turn away. That’s why I’m in this program.”
The Sermons We See
"I feel like we’re the advocates, the eyes for these kids,” says Don McNeil, the 1995 founder of One-On-One. "The mentors go out to these homes and they see all this stuff, and they’ll let us know.” As they discern these situations, he says, the youth then has an avenue for help.
A long-time children’s advocate and once a teacher and track coach, McNeil believes that "the eyes” are a very important part of the mentorship process, not only for the observant adult mentor, but in a different manner, for the youth as well.
As a devoted Christian, McNeil believes that Jesus was most effective in leading people to God’s blessings when they saw his example. One-On-One’s frightened, often skeptical children, he says, are no different.
"It’s real important for them to experience the love of Christ from a Christian person by their actions rather than their words. They’ve heard the words before,” says McNeil. "Most of the kids we work with either go to church or they’ve been to church and they’ve seen it and heard it, but they haven’t met too many people who are living it. For most of these kids, Jesus Christ is just a cuss word.”
McNeil relates that, in witnessing in the Church a stronger emphasis on winning people to Christ than on teaching people to be Christ-like, he’s felt the need to become more of a
"relationship-evangelist.” "You share by what you do, by the way you love people and how you treat them, what you do for them,” he says. "You meet their needs the best you can.”
Most often, the mentors are able to meet these needs by simply spending time with the child or adolescent, says McNeil—going out for ice cream, playing basketball in the park, etc. He tells a story of one 8-year-old child who, if not for one of these small, social moments, might have thrown it all away.
"The night before we went on a fishing trip, he decided that he didn’t want to live anymore,” recalls McNeill. "He had totally given up. His home life had about five kids. There were always drugs in the house, there were cockroaches everywhere, the toilet was plugged up with feces…so, he decided he didn’t want to live anymore. But then the next day, he went with us to Patagonia and he caught the most fish and got the 1st place trophy. It literally changed his life.”
Even during his years as a track coach McNeil felt that he could do more with the kids he was working with, especially with the more troubled kids who would probably never cross his path in school athletics. "I began to feel like every one of them needed somebody else in their life—someone who’d be there consistently, checking in on them on a regular, weekly basis, even three or four times a week.”
McNeil speaks of newly trained mentors who have come from Christian backgrounds and are eager to win young souls to Christ. "Right up front they ask, ‘can we share our faith?’ We say, ‘Yeah…but, you might want to share yourself first.’ My philosophy is that, if you win them to yourself, you can win them to anything.”
Wise As Serpents, Harmless As Doves
McNeil’s deference for the Christian example before traditional Christian communication is mirrored throughout the program. "If you look at our literature, there’s nothing in it that says anything about God or Jesus. We do that intentionally.”
Unlike many more overtly Christian programs, One-On-One has gained a greater access to secular child-advocacy agencies, even funding from the city of Tucson and Pima County, by making their Christian mission more inherent in the principles of their practices than in their program charter. About 40 agencies refer kids to One-On-One, including Child Protective Services (CPS), Juvenile Court, Our town, and sometimes even Big Brothers and Big Sisters.
"They don’t care that we recruit mentors from churches, for instance,” says McNeil. "But, if we came in and said, ‘We’re a Christian organization, and we only have Christians as the mentors,’ they would never refer kids to us. I believe God has shown me that that’s part of being wise as serpents, harmless as doves.”
But, while there’s no religious litmus test for an adult to become a Senior Partner, McNeil stresses that those who are Christian are encouraged to share their faith and even take the youth to church if the Junior Partner and the parent(s) agrees. "In fact, take the whole family,” he says. "Our feeling is, it’s not the worst thing that could happen if the kid starts going to church.”
A large reason these agencies find One-On-One so attractive is that they boast a track record any strictly secular agency could stand to emulate. Somewhere around 80 percent of the kids who have had trouble with the law, for example, and later go through their program, do not get rearrested or go before a judge again, says McNeil. "It’s about $25,000 to keep a kid locked up for a year, and it’s about $1,200 a year to run them through our program. It really makes sense that it’s more worthwhile to do than not to do it.”
"We’re getting kids deep in the system that are being given over to us, in essence—not officially, but responsibility-wise,” McNeil claims. "These agents will allow one of our mentors, many who are Christian, to take that kid overnight, for the weekend, go on vacation—to do whatever they want to do with them because they know they’ve been screened well and trained well. I’ve never had any of them complain that ‘you just want to do this so you can talk to them about your religion.’”
But, again, he says, the biblical principles are definitely there: "What we’re training people to do is to love. You can’t teach somebody to love unconditionally. But, basically, that’s what we’re saying—you need to look at these kids and love them in spite of who they are and where they’re coming from.”
McNeil’s ultimate goal for these at-risk youth is to get them to visualize a "bridge,” similar to the one in the four spiritual laws, he says, where there’s this span from where they are to where they need to be someday, spiritually. "And, sometimes,” concludes McNeil, "all we can do is to get them halfway out of there—get them out of their environment, let them see a whole other part of the world.”
"All you need to do is be friends with a kid,” explains Senior Partner, Kathy. "It does not have to be time-consuming. Be friends with the kid, and eventually, you’ll be more than that. That’s all they need—somebody who’ll take three hours a week and influence a child.”
Now that her eyes are open to the needs of at-risk youth, Kathy feels a greater sense of satisfaction for her contributions. But, also a greater sense of urgency. "Whether you’re in a fast-food restaurant or walking down the street, you can see a kid with ‘attitude.’ Nobody’s seeing those kids, and now I do. This program has helped me see them.”
"And, every time I see one, I want to stop my car because I know they are in such trouble, and ask, ‘So, what’s up with you? Do you have a place to stay tonight?’ But, you can’t do that, so I just focus on the one child or family that I can try and help. It’s going to help our whole world if other people would do it too.”
From 85 to 100 kids are typically on the One-On-One Partners’ waiting list, and the greatest need is for Male Mentors, many boys having to wait up to six months to be matched with a male Senior Partner. If you want to find out how to become a mentor or how to get One-On-One to make a presentation at your church or organization, please call 520-297-0702, or visit www.partnersmentoring.org.
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